“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
We have all heard this right? Boy, it could really scare you depending on where your thoughts take you in analyzing this quote. Some of us, can’t exactly pick who we spend most of our time with, as we cannot pick our co-workers or family, at times. There IS proof however, that we attract what we put out there, and thus creating less space for those less, favored tribe members. Here are 5 tips to attract the tribe you want.
- Be the friend/spouse/coworker YOU would want first. We are always so quick to point fingers, judge, criticize those around us and the quality of the relationship. If we focused on being what we would want in return FIRST, the confidence you will get from that process will benefit you greatly and your relationship. Also, the impact you will have on those around you will do more in the long run than nagging or complaining. This slight change will attract an amazing tribe and allow those closes to you to feel your effort and respect for them. Example, instead of nagging your co-workers to complaining of their tardiness, try setting the example by showing up early, consistently.
- Staff your weaknesses. We often tend to flock to those that are like us, like the same things we do or are similar in general. This makes complete sense but when you are talking about growing in all areas of your life, you want to surround yourself with those that will challenge you, and reflect back to you areas that maybe you need to grow in or work on. WARNING. THIS IS NOT EASY. It is not easy to spend time with someone that maybe is really good in an area you struggle with or vs versa. It hightens our awareness of our flaws and makes us vulnerable. The GROWTH in this situation though, is what we are after, so saddle up, it might be a little bumpy.
- Build relationships. We often get caught up in our busy, everyday lives. It is important to continue to build relationships through community. If you think about your strongest relationship, it often became stronger during very hard, interrupted times. Rarely do we create strong bonds and healthy relationships when our lattes are made correctly, our hair is on point, we are well rested, on time and successful. Its through tough, not so pretty times where bonds are deeply rooted. Lean into those, be prepared to offer grace and bring a hat for that rough hair day!
- Positive and Negative acquaintances. There are two types of people. Those who give to you and those who take. There is NO middle ground. There is not someone who is neutral in your life. There IS times when that same person can pour into you and that is normal. I am primarily speaking of those that continue to take. You know that friend, that always calls with some life altering issue. NOW, yes there is sometimes really hard seasons, to which it is valid to offer an abundance of grace, BUT there is also people who just tend to be negative and create or capitalize on tough times. You have to be incredibly selective and aware of where your emotional energy is going and make sure you are getting poured into at times and not always pouring out. Don’t be caught up in being the “fixure”. This position can be extremely emotionally gratifying and can lead you in a cycle. Make sure those you are surrounding yourself with are pouring in just as much as they are taking! Balance is key here and so important.
- Goal orientated. Make sure those you are surrounded yourself with are clear in where they want to go and what the want to accomplish. Sure, this may change over time, and yes, there are times when you can be down. It is important to YOUR well-being and ambition to keep that energy around you and protect it. We are all here to encourage each other. An individual that is lost or unmotivated is usually also the same one who spends a lot of time drinking, partying and is in a financial mess. This CAN be a season but it also can easily look attractive and suck you right in. Try to stay clear minded in where you want your life to go, and surround yourself with like-minded individuals.
Be aware and cautious of those you surround yourself with, YOUR tribe can take you to some great places, or can take you to some really dark seasons. YOU thankfully, get to decide.